


sorry i was never good like you

by universesalternating



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Female Steve Harrington, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 22:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15253857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universesalternating/pseuds/universesalternating
Summary: Stevie Harrington is a hot mess in a tight dress and she doesn't know if she'll ever figure anything out.





	sorry i was never good like you

**Author's Note:**

> Still don't know if we say that we don't own things. 
> 
> This is completely self indulgent, but I hope someone else out there enjoys it too. 
> 
> WARNING: There is a lot of violence in this fic.

Carol is the one who tells her about it, though Stevie is pretty sure she orchestrated the whole thing. Stevie just laughs, tells Carol to meet her there in an hour, and finds the tightest dress in her closet.   
She paints dark red lipstick on her lips, the kind her father hates and her mother loves, and she makes sure her hair looks perfect, as it always does, before she gets in her car.   
She stops and buys film for her polaroid camera and wonders how Byers affords any of his camera crap, but doesn’t think too much about that nerd.   
Stevie is almost one hundred percent sure that Carol probably helped spray paint “Stevie Harrington is a GIANT SLUT” on the movie theater, so forcing the other girl to take Stevie’s picture in front of it is all the more sweeter.   
Stevie is freezing cold, but she makes Carol take picture after picture until the film runs out, hamming it up in every one. Both of the girls run off, Stevie laughing wildly, when the old woman who probably owns the place comes out to yell at them. 

Almost a year later she washes “STARRING NANCY THE SLUT WHEELER” off of the same movie theater. Stevie feels like shit and angrily scratches one of the bruises that either Tommy or Byers gave her, trying to distract herself from the thoughts swirling around her head.   
Stevie helped with this, she can’t pretend she’s any better than her old friends, and she isn’t expecting Nancy or Byers to want anything to do with her even after she apologizes. 

—

“Don’t you care at all?” Tommy asks, as he straddles Stevie. “I mean, Carol’s your friend too.”  
“Doesn’t matter.” Stevie replies, waiting for Tommy to kiss her. “Neither of us will tell, and Carol won’t get hurt.” Tommy finally crushes their mouths together and Stevie can not think about anything for awhile except for the press of his body against hers.   
What she won’t ever tell Tommy, or anyone, is how deeply she loves Carol. How she watches the girl change in gym class, how she treasures when Carol gets drunk enough to kiss her, and how Carol is the last thing she thinks about every day.   
Fucking Tommy, Carol’s stupid boyfriend, fulfills two things for Stevie. One: she gets laid, and she can get out of her head by giving someone else some; and two: it proves Tommy’s a shitty fucking boyfriend and that Carol deserves better.   
Though it’ll never be Stevie, cause she’s a shitty friend and a slut; not to mention, she’s a girl. 

—

It doesn’t matter what Stevie does, her dad is always gonna wish she was a boy. He’s always going to ignore her and she’s never going to be what he wants, so she gives up trying.

—

Stevie fucks boys cause they’re easy, but she’s pretty sure she’s a lesbian. Having sex is the one time she can clear her thoughts and just focus on one thing. She kisses how she’s kissed, copying whatever her partner does. She touches them when they touch her, goes down on them if they’ll go down on her, and goes as far as whoever she’s with wants to. She doesn’t care if she gets labeled as a slut, but she did learn the trick that sleeping with people who are in relationships is the easiest way to make sure no one ever talks too much about you. 

It’s much much easier to find boys, but every once in awhile there’s a girl.

—

If she’s a bit dismissive to Nancy when the other girl worries about Barb, it’s a bit because Stevie doesn’t care, but it’s also because Barb isn’t the first lesbian to go missing in Hawkins. She’s not even the first bespectacled lesbian to go missing. 

—

Sarah Cossack comes up to Stevie’s locker a few weeks after the gossip about the graffiti has died down. “You have a polaroid camera, right?”  
Sarah was a senior, on her way to being valedictorian, president of the drama club, and she worked at the movie theater concession stand- which was how she knew about Stevie’s camera.   
Sarah asks Stevie to help her take some incredibly inappropriate photos, but also pays for the film and then some, so after thinking about it for a few days, Stevie agrees. It has nothing to do with wanting to see how Sarah looks naked.   
The photoshoot ends up being at Stevie’s house, utilizing the pool, her mother’s walk-in closet, the kitchen, and the fancy bathroom Stevie’s not supposed to use.   
Sarah wears a barely there bikini, a see thru robe, an apron, and eventually nothing. Stevie snaps away, not saying much and almost completely sure she blushes the entire time.   
“You gonna send these to Playboy or something?” Stevie finally asks when she works up enough courage, and once Sarah’s wearing clothes again.   
“I wish.” Sarah says with a grin. “Maybe they’d let me move into the mansion and I could go to college near there.”   
Stevie watches Sarah write lewd messages on lots of the pictures, with different initials on every one. Stevie wonders how one could get so lucky to receive one of those photos.  
“You okay with this?” Sarah hands her a photo where Steve is reflected in the mirror that Sarah is posing in. The message she’s scribbled down reads: BN~ 3WAY???   
“Is he cute?” Stevie asks.   
Sarah shrugs. “Cute enough.”

Bobby Newport is passed out on his gigantic bed while Sarah and Stevie pass a cigarette back and forth. Stevie thought she had money until she winded up at this guy’s house.   
“Right now,” Sarah explains, “You always gotta start with a guy. It’s like common ground.” She spares a look back at Bobby’s sleeping form. “I’m glad we got it over with, cause I’ve been wanting to have a slumber party with you since I first saw you outside the theater.” 

—

Sarah teaches her how to trick straight girls into kissing her, how to fuck boys that won’t tell everyone, how to change an F to a C with the right attitude, but she doesn’t teach her much about being a good person. Maybe it was one lesson Sarah knew she couldn’t teach. 

—

Tommy hit her. Like, nowhere near as hard as Jonathan did, and honestly? Not as hard as he had before when she’s asked him. But like, she still shouldn’t be fucking him again.   
And yet there she is, in his bed, missionary cause that’s probably all he does with Carol too.   
Monsters fucking exist apparently and she hit one with her fucking bat. And when everyone broke off to go be with their family, Steve waited a day and a half before she called Tommy.   
“Fu-uck,” She moans, running her nails down Tommy’s back, never enough to leave a mark, but enough for her to feel him shiver. “Tommy, fuck, just like that.”   
She’ll wait a bit longer before she reaches her hand down to play with herself so both of them can actually come, but she does want to feel him against her a bit longer.   
This might be the last time they do this, because Stevie might actually try with Nancy in a way she was too scared to with Sarah. Or more accurately, Nancy might let her. 

When it’s done, Stevie cries a little and does the same thing he always does, as if patting her hair is going to make her feel better.   
“What was Barb your new Sarah or what?” He asks in a way that makes Stevie realize that he may have known more than she ever thought he did.   
“No, you.” She finally groans out, resting her head against his thigh. “It’s cause I’m missing you already.”  
Tommy sighs and shakes his head. “God, Stevie you are the most over dramatic bitch I have ever been with, and I’m dating Carol.”  
Stevie laughs at that. “Yeah, well maybe I’m gonna miss her too.” And that’s the most honest thing Stevie’s probably ever said.

—

As if she was the only thing keeping them there, Sarah’s family moves barely two weeks after she’s declared missing. Stevie very briefly tries to look into it, but then Sarah’s college guy threatens her and Stevie decides if it is him, he probably knows how to get rid of her body too, and decides like maybe, some mysteries are better left unsolved.  
Maybe Sarah really did just leave Hawkins and not tell anyone. 

But why wouldn’t she have told Stevie?

—

Nancy thinks she’s the first girl Stevie’s ever loved, and maybe she’s right. Sarah didn’t make Stevie want to be a better person like Nancy does. Sarah made her feel like it was alright to be just her. But maybe that was after Sarah had turned Stevie into what she wanted her to be. 

—

So maybe if Stevie made a list of girls who like girls who have disappeared it would have to go: Sarah, Barb, and now Nancy.   
But Nancy didn’t disappear she left with Jonathan, not just because Stevie is bullshit, but like she kinda has to assume a little bit because Stevie is bullshit. Otherwise she would’ve taken Stevie with.   
Who fucking knows really.   
But like power to Nancy for making sure something happens with whatever happened with Barb. Stevie just tucked tail and got drunk about Sarah after she was told to stop being so fucking nosey. 

—

Billy’s hot, yeah Stevie isn’t blind. But Billy’s fucking annoying.   
Like Stevie’s first interaction with him was on the same night Nancy decided Stevie wasn’t good enough; so like if Stevie barely remembers the guy who was like crowding her just cause she was better at drinking than all the lushes in Hawkins, that’s like totally fine.   
And Stevie’s next interaction was him once again crowding into her space while she was at cheer practice that she then abruptly left to once again go deal with Nancy thinking she wasn’t good enough, like that’s really not her problem.   
And oh my god, like Stevie is one hundred percent allowed to ignore some guy who fucking tried to get her attention while she was going into the girl’s locker room. Like no amount of beautiful blue eyes and a body like a fucking model is going to stop her from reapplying her mascara after Nancy made her cry a little. 

So whatever, Stevie wasn’t blowing Billy off, and hell, like he seemed like the perfect way for her to get her revenge, but like everything in Stevie’s life, nothing works out how she wants. 

—

Dustin should be like so madly in lust with Stevie that he can’t talk to her. Like, Stevie is hot shit. She looks good. Every middle school boy should be a little, if not a lot, in love with her.   
But goddamn, Nancy’s little brother and that whole crew are just unimpressed by Stevie. Part of it is probably that these kids have like seen so much shit that a hot older girl who wears tight clothes and a little too much makeup just does nothing for them.   
Like Dustin should not think she’s who he can use to help him find his pet that he lost, but like apparently he does. 

And somehow along that same line, she’s the one who gets left with the brat pack, which is honestly so stupid. Like Stevie isn’t Nancy or Jonathan. She has no connection to these kids and should not have been left with them unsupervised. And yet, when the girl one gets upset about her brother, who goes outside to deal with it? Fucking Stevie, cause that’s just her life now. 

“Am I dreaming or is that you Baby?” Billy says as he gets out of his car, as if pet names are a thing they do.   
Maybe, if she was Sarah’s Stevie, she could make what comes out next sound enticing, but she’s not anymore so the “It’s me, don’t cream your pants.” comes out exactly how she means it, annoyed.   
Billy rips his jacket off of himself and god like if the monsters in Hawkins don’t kill Billy, the cold probably will cause in a split second that boy is practically shirtless.   
And like all Steve can think is what is he doing? Like does he want to fight her? Billy is giving off the strangest vibes that Stevie was never taught how to read. Part of her thinks she should act sweet or scared or something, but the air crackles with a type of electricity that she can’t understand.   
Billy takes a drag from his cigarette before asking her why she’s there and in a way she knows would piss off her father she replies that she could ask him the same thing.   
Billy sounds like an idiot with the cigarette in his mouth when he replies that he’s looking for his step sister. Part of Stevie wonders if she should flirt. Press up against him and say something like “well aren’t you lucky you found me instead?” or some other stupid shit to try to distract him. Instead Billy just goes on, talking about how a little birdie told him she was here. He talks over Stevie as she tries to stutter some sort of excuse, calls the redhead a bitch and Stevie just pretends she doesn’t have a clue. Maybe she’s not selling the clueless act as good as she usually does, it’s been a long fucking day and honestly like Billy should just take the hint and leave Stevie be.   
Instead he seems to get more upset. He’s still a foot or two away from her, but he seems to loom as he says “I dunno, sweetheart, this whole situation, it’s giving me the heebie-jeebies.”  
Stevie actually can’t control herself and she rolls her eyes while she asks, “Oh yeah, why’s that?”  
“My thirteen year old sister goes missing, all day,” his eyes go a little sharper and without the cigarette in his mouth things almost seem a little more serious, “and then I find her with you, in a stranger’s house. And you lie to me about it.”   
And honestly? Stevie could probably come up with some sort of lie that makes this seem less weird. Probably? Maybe? Maybe Stevie with the big house and no friends is babysitting now, but like why would she need to? Like she needs the money or something? Or like she even has that much time with cheer practice? So instead she just tries to double down on something that really can’t hold the weight. “We’re you like dropped too much as a child or what?” Billy grins real big, but it’s not sweet or funny or anything except something that Stevie can read as a threat. He licks his lips and Stevie doesn’t know if she can keep up this ‘whatever’ attitude she’s got going. “I don’t know what you don’t understand about what I just said, but she’s not here.”  
Billy looks past her then and Stevie knows that she’s fucked. Billy leans in close, and maybe all the space that Stevie thought was between them was never there at all. “Then who is that?”  
She turns her head to look, like a fucking idiot and is barely surprised to see all the kids peering out the window because apparently they all hate Stevie. Before she can even ask him to listen Billy shoves her to the ground, and it knocks the wind out of her a bit, and shocks her, but she cringes more at the voice in her head that sounds like her mom saying that now her outfit is all dirty.   
Billy is really looming over her when he sneers, “Be a good girl and stay down.”

Stevie counts to ten, maybe twenty, trying to collect herself. She’s not scared. She’s not that scared. There are bigger monsters out there than Billy, and as she gets closer to the house she can hear the kids yelling for Billy to stop so many she starts moving a little faster. And the kids are all kinda standing there away from where Billy has Lucas corned, and like in all fairness, Stevie isn’t that much bigger than any of them, but like she has to do something. That’s like what she has to do as the oldest probably. Billy yells that Sinclair is so dead, and repeats “You’re dead.”  
And then Stevie’s tugging him away, saying “No, you are,” and then aiming for Billy’s face.   
It sounds like it kind of works, and Stevie’s knuckles fucking hurt like it hopefully worked and Billy kinda bends over, but way too soon he’s popping up and cackling and Stevie just hopes she doesn’t look as scared as she feels.   
“Kitty’s got claws, huh?” There’s blood coming out of Billy’s nose and Stevie wasn’t even aware she could aim that high. “Wow, Princess, is this the version of you everyone’s been telling me about?”  
And Stevie just puts her hand out, pushing him with the tips of her fingers and tries to sound as menacing as she can when she demands, “Get out.”  
She sees Billy decide to swing and ducks out of the way, then hits him for the second time and as she watches Billy crash into a table thinks that she might be able to take him. Or at least tire him out a bit to the point that he might actually listen to her.   
And as he pushes up from the table she hits him again and wonders if she might actually be decent at fighting, she just never tried before. Maybe this is why she’s alright at fighting these monsters, because something inside of her so desperately wants to fight back and protect the things she cares about.   
She hits Billy one more time and he crashes into the sink and her knuckles fucking burn in a way her feet used to when she did ballet and she’s almost excited to see the bruises the same way she was excited to see the marks on her toes when she would unwrap her feet. And she can hear Dustin in the background cheering for her in a way no one ever has before but instead of listening to that she really regrets not paying attention as Billy cackles again because suddenly he cracks a plate over her fucking head like this is some fucking cartoon and she feels herself stumble to the living room floor. And she’s not even really sure what Dustin does or says but then there’s clattering by what Stevie thinks might be the pantry and maybe she sees Billy toss some stuff on the ground. A voice that this time sounds like Stevie’s grandmother says she should buy Jonathan’s mom another dish and help her clean up the kitchen later, and then Billy’s grabbing her.   
And Stevie tries to get her hands on him, but god he’s a lot bigger this close up. “No one tells me what to do.” And then he tosses her across the room. Like she weighs nothing. She skids across the floor and practically hits the couch and before she can even start to think about getting up Billy’s practically on top of her. He hits her once hard, and she has to force her body to grab his fist before he can pull it back to hit her again.   
“Billy, just wait, please?” She begs as fast as she can. He waits, but he’s all tensed up, like he wants to hit her again. She moves slowly, so slowly, her head is fucking pounding and she’s glad the kids are actually being quiet. Or maybe she can’t hear them. She wraps her hands around Billy’s wrist, soft, delicately, and tries to someone look less disgusting then she feels. Her face is probably bleeding in multiple places. “I was just, I was scared.” She tries to explain, batting her eyes and looking up and him through clumpy lashes. “You got mad at me, and I… I was just trying to use this as an excuse to see you.”   
Billy touches his palm again the cheek that he just hit. “Is that true darling?” He asks soft and sweet and Stevie can’t tell if her ears are ringing or if she’s hearing warning bells. She nods. “Then what’s my last name?” And Billy must just be able to tell she doesn’t know cause suddenly he’s got her hair in a tight grip and he growls something about lying again and when the next hit comes Stevie decides to just lean right in to being unconscious cause that seems like the best option. 

—

And look Stevie’s into some fucked up stuff, she can admit that.   
Her aunt called it the Harrington curse when she explained to Stevie how to best cover bruises over the phone. “I mean maybe it skips the men?” Her aunt paused. “I don’t know, don’t go asking your father if he likes getting hit, I mean, that’s just asking to get hit.” Sofia just kept laughing at her own joke. 

When she had demanded Tommy hit her harder, he had fucking punched her and she had a few moments of like wonderful silence in her head before she got pissed and realized that was definitely going to leave a bruise. After that all Tommy was willing to do was hold her down, which was still pretty good, just not exactly what she wanted. 

“Anyway, really if you can just make wearing sunglasses in doors your thing or tell them to hit you somewhere else.” Sofia explained like it was common knowledge. “Has your dad ever told you about Jimmy? Now that was a high school sweetheart to die for. He’d give me the best cigarette burns. Ohh, my dad and your dad got sooooo mad at me for stealing cigars! And they thought it was just cause he wanted to smoke them!”  
So, like, Stevie is nowhere near as bad as her aunt, who has already been through countless restraining orders that she’s usually the first to break. 

And really, Stevie wasn’t even as bad as Sarah, who- as much as Stevie chose to get drunk and forget about- was probably rotting away in a ditch cause the guy she called “Daddy”- who left bruises all over her hips and thighs and ass- had probably gotten tired of Sarah always trying to get him to leave his girlfriend. 

But the hamburger fucking helper face she had after Billy’s beating? That wasn’t anything Stevie was remotely into, that was just fucking assault. 

—

The other thing, that Stevie’s into- that like isn’t even sexy painful, it’s just sad painful- is pining.   
Like that’s probably the best word for it, Stevie thinks.   
Under her mattress are three photos. One’s been crumpled up and in sharpie- on a bad night- Stevie wrote BULLSHIT on the back, because the picture is of Nancy and she doesn’t want to forget why the two of them aren’t together.   
The other is one of Sarah’s polaroids, that was in Stevie’s mailbox a few days before Sarah’s Graduation Party that Stevie was uninvited to and that never actually ended up happening.   
In Sarah’s sloppy but legible cursive she had written: “Stevie, baby, if only you were the one I loved”. Sarah had crossed out “the most” and scribbled her signature.   
The last one is a photo of the trio, the Halloween before Carol spray painted that Stevie was a GIANT SLUT for all of Hawkins to see. They decided to dress like the cats from Aristocrats even though they were teenagers and there was really no point. Carol wore a little black dress and had little orange cat ears that matched the black and white ones Stevie and Tommy were wearing. Tommy was wearing the same thing he aways wore and it had been a fight just to get the ears on him. Stevie’s white dress matched Carol’s in length and tightness. Carol’s mom had taken the photo.   
That was the only one that didn’t have anything written on it. 

—

Rather than even deal with whatever bullshit people would say happened to her, Stevie calls her mom as soon as she wakes up the morning after her nightmare hell night.   
“I just like,” she whines over the phone, “Carol doesn’t talk to me anymore, and Nancy just thinks I’m stupid and it’s just like,” she sighs dramatically, “I’m just kind of sad. Are you coming back soon?”  
Her mother plays right into her hands as she sighs just as dramatically. “Oh, Stephanie, darling, I wish I was, but I’m just so busy.” She pauses for a moment. “You know I bet Sofia would love to see you, why don’t you call her and see if you can head up there for the weekend?”  
Stevie tries to sound a little sad as they say their goodbyes.   
Rather than call, Stevie packs a small suitcase and drives to Indianapolis. 

“Even I don’t own sunglasses big enough to cover that!” Sofia exclaims as she slams the apartment door closed behind her. “What are you going to do about your schoolwork?”  
“I don’t care.” Stevie says honestly before slumping her way onto the couch.   
Sofia joins her on the couch pretty quickly, mostly to grab Stevie’s face in her hands. “These are cute bandaids.” Stevie just grumbles. “At least let me clean your face off.” Sofia grimaces just like grandma used to. “It looks like you took a shower with these on.” When she doesn’t get a reply, Sofia gasps, mostly for the theatrics. “My goodness, it’s as if you don’t even care about your appearance anymore! What would your mother say?” The horribly happy grin on Sofia’s face says everything about how much she still hates her brother’s wife. 

Stevie stays until it stops hurting to put makeup on her face. Sofia orders in or takes her out for every meal, because: “Stevie, I’m a Harrington! The only thing I use the kitchen for is the countertops!”.  
Three different men take them shopping and buy Stevie things as long as she’s willing to twirl around in the purchases for them.   
“You know had this been 2 years ago, I could’ve had three men a day trying to buy us things.” Sofia says with a sigh on the elevator down to where Stevie parked her dad’s car. “I’m getting old.” As far as Stevie knows, Sofia’s been 27 for the past 5 years. “This is when you say 27 isn’t that old Stevie, c’mon, I shouldn’t have to spell this out for you.”  
“Twenty seven isn’t that old.” Stevie replies monotone.   
“Anyway, I was so nice and didn’t ask you any questions,” Sofia explains as she helps load stuff into Stevie’s car.”And I’m not going to!” She adds quickly. “Just uhh… no matter how good it feels, next time maybe ask him to hit you somewhere less obvious? And maybe not that hard? Like jeez Stevie, try to get something out of this, like… I dunno have him take you to a nice dinner? Eat you out everyday until the bruises actually fade, aren’t just covered with makeup?”  
“You know sometimes you don’t need to say the first thing that pop into your head?!” Stevie exclaims. “Like sometimes you could just act like a normal aunt.”  
“A normal aunt wouldn’t have given you all her nice makeup to take home with you,” Sofia sticks out her tongue, “so there’s that.”  
Stevie kisses Sofia on the cheek. “So wanna do something at Christmas so all those old guys will buy you stuff for the chance to see this hot little piece?”  
“Brat!” Sofia swats her on the butt. “I’m telling Santa to give you coal cause you’re so mean!”

Stevie won’t admit it, but the week she spent in Indianapolis had her feeling more normal than she had in a long time. 

—

Time flies and soon she’s dropping Dustin off at some middle school dance. She knows none of those girls are going to dance with him, because she was one of those girls, but she still lets him go in thinking they will. 

—

Stevie would like to pretend that things between her and Billy get mended after he apologizes to her and all the kids and promises to be better.   
But that’s not what happens. 

Stevie and Billy end up at the same party, Tommy wrangles them into challenging each other to a drinking contest, and before she knows it, the two of them are beyond drunk.   
Both too drunk to not pretend, they do what drunk teenagers do and find a room so their aggressive making out that feels more like fighting than flirting can continue.   
Stevie’s worried that Whisky Dick will fuck things up, but Billy is actually alright. She blows him and he pulls her hair and holds her down just right that it’s exactly what she wanted. After he cums, she’s sure it’s done because he seems the type; he surprises her by pushing her skirt up and pulling her tights down. It takes her a bit longer than him, but damn, if it isn’t amazing.   
After, they lie in each others arms in a mock embrace. 

—

Later, much later, once Stevie has convinced Billy to let her come with to California, they’ll be laying in the same embrace. Billy will tell her about Charlie, the boy he loves and is desperate to get back to.   
Billy will hold her tight and talk about how he wishes he could love Stevie and have a life that the world would approve of.   
Stevie will laugh, kiss Billy gently, and smile before saying, “Now Billy, I couldn’t love a boy who caved my face in.”  
Billy will smirk, the violence of their first meeting a joke between them now before playfully wrestling Stevie until he’s pinned her down. “That’s fair Harrington, I wouldn’t want to be with a girl who doesn’t even know my last name.”  
They will both laugh, and Billy will lean down to kiss Stevie, because they can pine for someone else and still fuck each other. They’re teenagers and hormones are hormones. 

—

Before that, Billy comes with Stevie to that college dropout’s place and helps her scare the older man into telling her what he knew about Sarah.  
The greasy messy man doesn’t look like a threat as he cries on his dirty living room floor about not knowing where Sarah went when she left his apartment. 

Billy takes her to a junkyard after that where she beats on some old crappy scrap of metal until she has to stop because she’s crying too hard to see clearly. He holds her and finally she tells someone about Sarah. 

—

A week before graduation, Stevie and Billy are in his room, pretending to clean it up, but really packing his things away to keep safe at Stevie’s house.   
Completely accidentally, Stevie finds a copy of Playboy in Billy’s room, and finds herself paging through it.   
Billy finds her on his floor a few minutes later, crying and laughing. He joins her on the floor, cradling her, unsure what’s happening.   
“Babe, I’m really hoping this isn’t about me having a magazine.” He tries to joke.   
Stevie points to the girl in the photo. “It’s Sarah.” She whispers.

—

In Summer 1985, Stevie and Sarah meet on a beach in LA. It is both under and overwhelming. The two catch up, leaving out certain details of the past two years of their lives.   
As Stevie listens to Sarah turn the conversation to be about her once again, Stevie realizes that she was still in love with a ghost.   
In the tragedy of not knowing, Stevie had turned Sarah into someone she never was. As if rose colored glasses had suddenly fallen off of her face, Stevie sees all of the people she loves and realizes that the versions of them she had created were always without flaws.  
While the realization shocks her like being dumped in ice water, she can’t help but know this realization isn’t going to change anything.   
She will still love her perfect memories of Carol, Tommy, Sarah, Nancy, Billy, and whoever comes after them. 

Ghosts are a monster she still hasn’t figured out how to fight. 

—

Before Nancy, but after Carol called her a slut on the theater, they try to have a threesome.   
Tommy has been banished to the side, allowed to see, but not touch. Stevie assumes it’s because Carol knows more than she’s letting on.   
“Choke her a little,” Tommy instructs, and Carol wraps her hands around Stevie’s neck, “she’ll probably like that.”  
Carol is straddling Stevie, and all three are in their underwear. Stevie, unsure what to do with her hands, just lays there, taking Carol in. She knows this is probably the closest she’ll get to be to Carol, and she tries to cherish the moment.   
Carol’s hair falls around her face and she leans a little closer to put more pressure on Stevie’s neck. Her sharp little nails dig into Stevie’s neck, and the pain feels so right.   
Stevie makes the mistake of looking up at Carol and sees how uncomfortable she looks, her eyes a mix of angry and sad and probably a little betrayed.   
Stevie gets out of their after that, quickly, stumbling and acting like she was a little too drunk to do this, even though all three of them knew she was sober.   
The next time she sees Sarah, she agrees to take the polaroids for her.

**Author's Note:**

> If I were to do a sequel it would just be the plot of Parent Trap with Billy and Stevie and like instead of doing that just go watch that movie, they pull it off a lot better than I would. 
> 
> For the record:   
> Billy and Charlie live in Castro for awhile and Billy is definitely an activist.   
> Also Billy and Stevie are both bisexual they just haven't really figured that out yet, tho all the signs are there.   
> If I did write more Billy/Stevie would be end game AFTER both had grown and matured.
> 
> Instead of getting help for anything wrong w me I just write fic so like don't be mean unless you absolutely HAVE to. 
> 
> Would really appreciate comments, but I understand cause I always get too anxious to comment or do it on anon.


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